People often tell you to “have faith.”
What they don’t tell you is how incredibly difficult faith can be when you’ve spent most of your life in survival mode.
For me, faith wasn’t simply believing in God. I always believed God existed.
The hard part was trusting Him enough to let go of control.
When you’ve lived through years of instability, unpredictability, or emotional pain, control becomes your security blanket. You convince yourself that if you can just think harder, plan better, fix more, worry enough, or stay one step ahead, maybe nothing else will fall apart.
That was me.
So when people said, “Give it to God,” I wanted to…
For about three days.
Then my anxiety would return.
I’d have another “poor me” moment.
I’d wonder why nothing was changing.
I’d convince myself it wasn’t working.
Then I’d pick myself back up and try again.
Over…
and over…
and over.
Faith wasn’t one big decision.
It was hundreds of little decisions.
Every time I chose to trust Him one more day.
Looking back now, I can see something I couldn’t see then.
Every single time I chose faith—even when I stumbled—I grew just a little stronger.
Today, those moments of doubt still happen occasionally, but they’re becoming fewer and farther between.
Instead, I find myself looking back and saying,
“Look how far God has brought me.”
That remembrance strengthens my faith for whatever comes next.
God Didn’t Rescue Me Overnight
If I’m honest, I wanted God to swoop in and fix everything.
I wanted Him to remove the pain.
Remove the anxiety.
Remove the unhealthy thinking.
Remove the fear.
Instead…
He gave me something much better.
He gave me the opportunity to become the person He created me to be.
He didn’t hand me healing.
He walked me through it.
When we pray, God doesn’t always remove the mountain.
Often, He teaches us how to climb it.
He gives us wisdom.
People to help us.
Opportunities to grow.
Moments that slowly change us from the inside out.
Looking back, I realize He was answering my prayers all along.
Just not in the way I expected.
Talking With God Changed Everything
One of the biggest changes in my life wasn’t praying longer prayers.
It was talking to God throughout the day.
Not because I had to.
Because I wanted to.
Now my mornings begin with Him.
When something difficult happens at work, I quietly ask,
“Lord, help me see what I’m missing.”
When I’m overwhelmed, I ask for peace.
When I’m confused, I ask for wisdom.
When I’m thankful, I tell Him.
Sometimes it isn’t even a formal prayer.
It’s simply a conversation.
Like talking to my closest friend.
Just recently I was struggling with a work project. No matter how I tried contacting someone, I couldn’t get a response.
Instead of immediately becoming frustrated, I prayed.
“Lord, please help me find the answer so we can move forward.”
Not long afterward, I discovered there was simply a different process for contacting him through SharePoint.
Once I followed that process, he responded within fifteen minutes.
It wasn’t a miracle in the dramatic sense.
It was God gently helping me find the next step.
I’ve started noticing those moments everywhere.
I Had to Stop Asking “Why Me?”
For years my prayers sounded like this:
“Why is this happening?”
“Why won’t You fix this?”
“It’s not fair.”
Eventually I became exhausted.
One day I cried out,
“God, I don’t know what You’re trying to teach me. I clearly can’t see it. Please show me.”
He didn’t answer that prayer overnight.
He answered it over time.
Little by little.
Piece by piece.
Lesson after lesson.
The questions changed.
Instead of asking,
“Why is this happening to me?”
I began asking,
“What are You trying to teach me?”
That question changed my life.
I Realized My Childhood Wasn’t God’s Plan
One of the hardest lessons for me was understanding something I had believed for years.
I thought God had placed me in the painful situations I experienced growing up.
I was angry with Him.
But over time I came to understand something different.
Children don’t choose the environment they’re raised in.
Parents are entrusted with an incredible responsibility.
No parent is perfect, but God’s desire is that children are raised to know Him—not simply by attending church once a week, but by seeing faith lived every day.
I didn’t grow up learning to bring everything to God.
I learned survival instead.
That unhealthy path shaped many of the choices I made as an adult.
But it wasn’t the end of my story.
God met me where I was.
Not where I should have been.
Where I actually was.
Healing Strengthened My Faith
Healing my mind and growing my faith happened together.
The healthier my mind became…
the easier it became to trust God.
The more I trusted God…
the healthier my mind became.
They grew side by side.
Today I still have difficult days.
I still make mistakes.
I still need grace.
But I no longer wake up believing I have to carry the entire world on my shoulders.
I begin my mornings with God.
I talk with Him throughout the day.
I end my nights with Him.
Not because life became easy.
Because I finally realized I don’t have to walk through it alone.
If You’re Struggling
Maybe you’re where I was.
Trying to have faith.
Trying to let go.
Trying to heal.
Failing…
Trying again.
Please don’t mistake slow growth for no growth.
Faith grows quietly.
One ordinary day at a time.
Keep showing up.
Keep talking to God.
Keep asking Him what He wants to teach you.
One day you’ll look back—not because life became perfect—but because you’ll finally see how much He changed you along the way.
And you’ll realize…
The greatest miracle wasn’t that your circumstances changed.
The greatest miracle was that you did.
Shared from lived experience
Healing Unlayered 
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