The Soul Was Never the Problem

The unhealthy mind was.

I feel like people want to fight about it.

One side (the estranged parent) is saying:

“I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you rewrite the narrative.”

And the other side (the child) is saying:

“I’m not trying to.”

Both sides have strong beliefs.

The child, however, is also dealing with the pain, confusion, depression, anxiety, social awkwardness, unstable relationships, unhealthy habits, unhealthy traits, and often a life that feels like it never quite settles.

And much of it came from one source.

The parent who said:

“I did the best I could.”

What both sides often don’t realize is that the “best they could” may also be what caused it all.

Not because they intended harm.

But because unhealthy patterns, beliefs, behaviors, and coping mechanisms were passed down without anyone realizing it.

And those things affect a child in ways no one can see until they begin showing up later as behaviors, choices, habits, traits, and struggles.

Because they slowly rewire the child’s mind into unhealthy ways of thinking.

And once that happens, the unhealthy-minded child begins absorbing unhealthy things everywhere they go.

But here’s what no one realizes:

That child was born with a soul.

And that soul is screaming to be heard while unhealthy traits, unhealthy beliefs, unhealthy environments, and unhealthy behaviors are piled on top of it.

From the outside they become the “problem child.”

The “attention seeker.”

The one who is “going nowhere in life.”

But inside, there is a constant battle between who they were meant to be and who they are becoming.

It doesn’t get better.

It doesn’t get easier.

It gets louder.

It gets uglier.

And sometimes it feels impossible to manage.

Until that child—now an adult—finds a place where they finally experience peace.

A place where they no longer feel that constant battle.

A place where they can sort through their thoughts and discover who they were always meant to be.

Until then, it continues to grow.

And not in a good way.

What most people don’t realize is that those children often came from adults carrying the same wounds.

That’s why the cycle continues.

You can see similar patterns across generations.

Sometimes they become even more visible as people age.

It often leads to mental health struggles, emotional highs and lows, feeling like you’re finally about to break free, only for life to hand you another “no.”

At first, that “no” feels like punishment.

So they sink deeper.

And from the outside people call them crazy.

Insane.

Bipolar.

Broken.

Whatever label seems easiest.

And I know this because that person was me.

The battle ran deeper than anyone realized.

And the only way out was stepping away from the unhealthy.

The noise.

The chaos.

The environments.

And especially the people who kept telling me that what I felt, what I believed, and what I experienced wasn’t real.

Because it was.

And it is absolutely something you can heal.

The answer wasn’t repeating my story over and over.

I tried that.

It helped me understand what happened, but it didn’t resolve what I was feeling.

The only way out was learning how to rewire my mind into healthier thinking.

And as that happened, the person inside me—the one who had been screaming all those years—was finally allowed to come out.

Not shut down.

Not dismissed.

Not told my thoughts were wrong.

Not told my feelings were wrong.

I was finally allowed to be me.

So yes, some of this began in childhood.

But healing began when I stepped away from the unhealthy and started learning something different.

Now I can see the same struggles in many others.

But I’ve also learned something important:

It isn’t my job to tell people what they’re doing wrong.

Instead, I believe this is the gift God gave me.

Not to argue.

Not to take sides.

But to share what helped me find my way out.

As Scripture says:

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” — 1 Peter 4:10

That’s exactly what I’m doing.

Not arguing.

Not choosing sides.

Simply sharing how I found my way out of the storm.

And trusting that, in God’s timing, someone else will find their way out too.

Shared from live experience, not expert advice.