✨ “How I Knew It Was God”

I didn’t find God in peace.

I found Him at rock bottom.

Late August to mid-September 2024…

I hit the point where nothing made sense anymore.

The same patterns.

The same pain.

The same lessons repeating over and over again.

No matter how hard I tried to heal…

I ended up right back where I started.

And eventually… something in me broke.

Not loudly.

Not dramatically.

Just quietly… completely exhausted.

I wasn’t just sad.

I didn’t feel safe in my own mind anymore.

My nervous system was constantly on edge.

I didn’t feel comfortable anywhere… with anyone.

And when I tried to explain it,

people didn’t understand.

“Time to move on.”

“You should be over this.”

“Go talk to your therapist.”

So I stopped talking.

I started isolating.

I thought maybe if I just stayed home…

focused on myself…

removed everything…

it would get better.

It didn’t.

The loneliness got heavier.

And eventually…

my mind told me something I believed at the time:

“They would be better off without you.”

My husband.

My daughter.

The two people who never left my side.

So I started preparing.

Quietly.

Logically.

Convincing myself this was the best thing I could do for them.

And then…

something happened.

I went to the doctor for something unrelated.

Or at least… I thought it was.

My regular provider wasn’t there.

A different doctor saw me.

Before she even addressed why I came in…

she looked at me and said:

“If this happens again… you need to go to the ER.”

I thought she meant my heart.

She didn’t.

She meant my mind.

She saw something I didn’t say.

Something I didn’t even fully admit to myself.

And that’s when I realized…

God knew.

He knew where I was.

He knew what I was about to do.

And He intervened.

Because I had asked Him to.

Even if I didn’t recognize the answer at the time.

Not long before that, I had prayed:

“Please… just show me what I’m supposed to learn.

I keep repeating the same thing over and over.

I don’t understand. Just show me.”

I didn’t get a loud answer.

I got a moment.

A redirection.

A pause that changed everything.

That’s how I know it was God.

Not because everything suddenly became easy…

But because I didn’t die in a moment I was certain I would.

He wasn’t done with me.

And healing didn’t happen overnight.

It wasn’t instant.

It was messy.

Painful.

Full of crying… questioning… rebuilding.

But something shifted.

Instead of begging…

I started listening.

Instead of fighting…

I started walking with Him.

And that’s when everything began to change.

I don’t believe anymore.

I have faith.

And if you’re in that place right now…

where nothing makes sense…

where you feel like you’ve tried everything…

please hear this:

You’re not stuck.

You’re not too far gone.

And you’re not alone… even if it feels like it.

If you ask Him…

He will meet you there.

Shared from lived experience, not expert advice.